I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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