This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
