He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
