and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
