So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
