not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
