too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
