he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize