Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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