So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
