i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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