JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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