Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
