I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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