She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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