umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
