I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
