Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
