Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
