very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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