drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
