hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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