I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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