Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
