garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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