apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
