my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there's paper in my vomit.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
