you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
