Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
