If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
