Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You ruined the universe
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
