Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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