If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
zippers are such a cool invention
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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