Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
