There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
