I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Still dying that you shit outside
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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