He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
