Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
