Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
