im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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