please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
