I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
