True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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