Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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