I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize