After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would fuck him just for his dog
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
