Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
