Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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