Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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