I hope mine doesn't look like that
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
