We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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