Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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