Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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