Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
