I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
