the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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