he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
