The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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