i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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