If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
