Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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