Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize