I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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